I was utterly allergic to Toel and posted about this. However every cloud has a silver lining. In this case, he brought back a memory of a book from 30 years ago, Other Losses, on the deaths of about one million German prisoners of war. Plus he added something: that this was part of the instilling of shame. His solution: love love love love love. Okay for a Beatles song. Inadequate and even destructive.
I was allergic to Toel in part because of comments like his claim to love German families with no evidence he'd even spent time with ANY German families - and anyhow, he doesn't speak German.
We live, in many ways, in a culture of shame - as per my presentation on Wednesday of the first week - with those in one group (whites, Germans, men, etc) shamed, and those in the other group doing the shaming - but underneath that massive shame, the shame of doing wrongful shaming, the shame of having been made a fool of, etc.
Excellent differentiation between guilt and shame - and the books sound excellent as well. I remember first reading a couple of books on shame over 30 years ago, and was most amazed at how little attention this incredibly powerful force had gotten. Thank you for posting.
I was utterly allergic to Toel and posted about this. However every cloud has a silver lining. In this case, he brought back a memory of a book from 30 years ago, Other Losses, on the deaths of about one million German prisoners of war. Plus he added something: that this was part of the instilling of shame. His solution: love love love love love. Okay for a Beatles song. Inadequate and even destructive.
I was allergic to Toel in part because of comments like his claim to love German families with no evidence he'd even spent time with ANY German families - and anyhow, he doesn't speak German.
Anyway, very good points. Very appreciated.
We live, in many ways, in a culture of shame - as per my presentation on Wednesday of the first week - with those in one group (whites, Germans, men, etc) shamed, and those in the other group doing the shaming - but underneath that massive shame, the shame of doing wrongful shaming, the shame of having been made a fool of, etc.
Excellent differentiation between guilt and shame - and the books sound excellent as well. I remember first reading a couple of books on shame over 30 years ago, and was most amazed at how little attention this incredibly powerful force had gotten. Thank you for posting.